Reporting Facts +

moments – в условии нет информации popular – есть important
It is noticeable that having children is the most important type of event of all while getting a job is the least popular one (сравнение). Roughly 57 percent of respondents choose to have children whereas the proportion of people who prefer getting a job is 7.8 percent (факт)

rank second (факт ) . The number of people choosing this event is slightly lower than those who want to have children, representing 55.6 percent (сравнение) . Leaving home and getting a degree are less popular (essential) than getting married but still more frequently chosen than getting a job (43,2 and 33,5 percent respectively (сравнение) .
Встречается apart from = as well as / except for

connected with life events revealed by these statistics. It is quite clear that getting a job is not in (on) demand. One possible solution to that is higher (high) salaries and motivating of the graduates for further development and ______can encourage people to get a job and grow professionally – по структуре это два отдельных предложения
In my opinion – организация – это задача 5 параграфа
Graduates – не ясно читающему почему именно graduates
On demand – по-моему у него другой контекст